Growing Up vs Growing Older.

Assalamualaikum,

Last Friday was my cousin’s wedding. His wedding was the second one in the family this year, and probably the last for this couple of years. While we were heading towards Masjid Putrajaya after Friday prayers, my mother (or was it my grandmother?) said something that made me think.

Looking at my cousin holding the Imam’s hand and reciting the akad made me realize that I’m not getting any younger. It felt as if it was only yesterday that my cousins and I all spent our time at my grandmother’s house washing our uncles’ and aunts’ cars, splashing each other with water and soap, and getting some pocket money after we’ve finished washing the cars. If felt as if it was only yesterday that I spent my evenings playing football at the field behind my house in Rawang, or riding my bicycle around the neighborhood with my friends.

Looking at Peli’s wife made me realize that, in the next few years, I’m going to be sitting there, looking at my future husband reciting the akad. No, I’m not saying that I can’t wait to get married. I’m merely stating the fact that I’m actually surprised with how fast the time passed by.

Pejam celik pejam celik, I’m going to be nineteen in a few months. Pejam celik pejam celik, in a few months, I’d be bidding farewell to my family as I board the plane as I head to the States. Pejam celik pejam celik, I’d be in university, being all alone and independent. Pejam celik pejam celik, I’d be graduating with a degree, insyaAllah.

I still suck at managing my time properly. There’d be days where I can stay up all night watching movies and studying and talking to friends, yet still feel refreshed on the next day, even after an hour or less of sleep. There’d be days where I sleep early (normally before midnight), waking up early (about 5/6am) and yet still feel sleepy in class.

I still suck at cooking up a decent meal. I can prepare food for myself, no problem, but what I find as nice may not be the same for anyone else. I still suck controlling my emotions, although I have tried to have them under control. I still suck at proper self-discipline. I still suck at everything that I should be doing but I’m not (is that even grammatically correct? -.-‘)

I still act like a child, most of the time. I get my priorities all messed up, putting fun and play above my studies at time. I take things for granted, and forget to thank the people for making my life easier. I blew up chances and opportunities, I ruined chances and my relationships with my family and friends, I pissed people off and make enemies instead of friends. Why is this so?

There’s no need to mention about my spiritual side, my faith. As humans, there’d be ups and downs in it. I still need to improve it, to be more consistent in what I do, to be better than I was yesterday. I can’t afford to lose myself in my journey to be the best. Allah’s has always been there for me whenever I needed Him, so why can’t I be there for Him as well? Why can’t I put Him above everything else in I do?

A lot of changes need to be done, and I have a few months to fully prepare myself for the dark future ahead. Oh Allah, please guide me to the best path for myself. I’m about to be nineteen, and I’m not getting any younger. I need to grow up, be more matured and independent, instead of just growing older. There’s a big difference between growing up and growing older.

Okay, I better be off. I’ve been spending my time at Rafi Bistro, doing my Computer Programming assignment since staying at home would make me less productive. Until next time, Assalamualaikum 🙂

During yesterday’s function at Putrajaya 🙂