Personal, SyazDani

Lucky I’m in Love.

Lucky I’m in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
Lucky we’re in love in every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be coming home someday

If there was a song that can capture what I feel about my relationship with him, I think Jason Mraz & Colbie Caillat’s Lucky pretty much sums it up.

It’s been a little over five years, but every single day, I keep learning and discovering new things about him, things that make me feel, “dang it, I’m so lucky to be able to see this side of him, the side that he doesn’t usually show to other people.” Mind you, it was hard at first. I was too independent and loud, he was too introverted and shy. We were the complete opposite in terms of personality, but somehow, we managed to work it out.

When I flew off to the States for the first time, I had to leave him behind in Malaysia for around 9 months. It was difficult, to say the least, as I was used to seeing him almost every day during our time in INTEC. Phone calls and Skype dates kept us connected, but it was just not the same without seeing him in person. We fought, countless times, over stupid little things, and there were times that I contemplated if it was worth it.

But we made it.

When he came to the US, although we were separated by a 3.5 hour drive or a 6-8 hour bus ride, we managed to see each other at least once a month (mostly because I enjoyed driving and I had a couple of friends in Madison who were willing to join me in driving down to Urbana every month). We went on memorable trips with friends together, and slowly but surely, we’re making our relationship stronger by the day.

I have had people come up to me and ask, why him? To them, they thought that I deserved better, because when you look at us from far, you’d see two completely different people. I knew what I wanted to do, I found what made me happy and what sparked my fire. I joined activities here and there and do random things whenever I get bored. On the other hand, he’s still figuring his life out, he’s still taking baby steps and learning to come out of his comfort zone to try out new things. It was harder for him, as an introvert, to learn to open up to people or to take part in things that he has never done before.

To those people, they thought as if I was settling for less, that I could’ve gotten more if I wanted.

But, the thing is, he made me complete, in ways that most people don’t.

It was hard for me, as I was used to being so independent and strong. But somehow, with him, I was able to be vulnerable. He was my safe haven. I didn’t have to pretend to be the Syaza Nazura that everybody knew. I didn’t have to act like I have my whole life figured out. I get to be weak with him, I get to cry like a little baby over all the stupid mistakes I made in my life, I get to bawl over all the failed friendships and broken promises in the past.

He looked past all the bravado that I built, he broke down the wall I built up around myself, and he saw me.

And I am eternally grateful to him, for being there when no one else was.

Here’s to the past 4.5 years (& more) of loving, cherishing, annoying, and missing you, and to many, many, many more to come.

Syaza Nazura Aiman Ardani tunang

Iloveyou, Aiman Ardani bin Omar, always have been, & forever will be.


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