“Don’t succumb to society’s expectations of you.”

Assalamualaikum,

It is currently the start of the 4th week of classes for the Fall 2015 semester, and, hey, guess what? I’m halfway done with my undergraduate years! Woohoo! I’m a junior now, and with that, comes quite a lot of responsibilities and expectations. And to be honest, sometimes things can get a little bit too intimidating, if you ask me.

I mean, here I am, trying to survive my junior year and all, and everyone around me are rushing to career fairs to secure an internship for next summer and everything.

I know. Getting an internship is kind of a big deal here, trust me on that. People expect you to get an internship, to get an experience, things like that.

But… I don’t know. Every time this time of the year comes around, I’d be left with this feeling that pushes me into an existential depression, as always. Like, I don’t know what I want to do in life, and that’s not a good sign. Well, not to me, at least.

It seems ironic though, on how I keep on telling people to ‘trust your heart‘, and chase your passion and all that shit. But, when it comes to me, I can’t do shit for myself, and I keep screwing things up.

It’s funny.

It’s hilarious.

It’s somewhat depressing.

And it sucks that because even when I think I know what I want to do and everything, I can’t seem to go ahead with it because it’s not what I’m expected do to, and because I know people feel like I should do better than that.

But the thing is, isn’t it my life?

Shouldn’t I be the one to decide what I want to do?

Like, f*** this shit man.

I’m tired of thinking what to do and what not to do and all that stuff. -.-

Can I just stay in my room, play xBox and watch Vampire Diaries / Scandal / GoT all day long? [p/s not ‘watch Netflix and chill’ okay, if you know what I mean]

Okay.

I’m sorry. I rambled off quite a lot there. Sorry ’bout that. I’m just a bit stressed out and I’m tired of thinking and needed a place to ramble off.

Anyhow. Like I said, it’s my junior year. Two years to graduation, and two years to real life. I’m taking 4 core classes [Actuarial Science 650, Marketing 300, Finance 300 and Statistics 312]. I’m also in a 2-credit Curriculum & Instruction 675 class, which is a class for the year-long volunteering project I’m in for the next one year (more info on that later on in the semester). 14 credits ain’t a lot, but considering how my four core classes are pretty heavy with the exams and everything, I figured I’d stick with 14 credits as compared to 17 credits for now. (not to mention, I also work around 20 hours/week, which is the maximum I’m allowed to work, so yeah)

Okay then. I better be off for now. Need to rush to my 1:20pm Marketing class (it’s currently 1:00pm but the lecture’s pretty much full and the lecture hall gets filled up pretty quick). Until next time!