Life Thoughts, Personal

A FutureMe email from December 2015.

Assalamualaikum & hi!

A few years ago, I stumbled upon FutureMe’s website. It’s a website in which you can write a letter (i.e. email) to the Future You, and schedule it to be sent at a time in the future (tomorrow, next week, next month, next year or in twenty-five years). 

I personally feel like it’s a cool feature, and I’ve seen (or read about) people who send a letter to their Future Self on every new year, as a way to reflect back on how much they’ve achieved in that year and how much they’ve grown. Now, I haven’t (and probably wouldn’t) commit to a yearly thing like that, but it does sound interesting, don’t you think so? 

I mean, I’ve done a “Dear 16-yo me” stuff like that, but this is something coming from your past self, which you might have already forgotten. And, no, writing a blog post to your future self doesn’t seem as cool because you might have forgotten about it and never re-read it again, as compared to having a surprise email waiting in your inbox a few years later.

Anyway… A few days ago, on New Year’s Day (01/01/2020), I received a letter from my Past Self, written on December 3rd, 2015. Looking back at my FutureMe account, I could see that this particular letter was perhaps the first letter I’ve written on FutureMe (all other letters were written after this date. And, yes, I’ve written multiple letters for my Future Self).

I thought I could share the letter here with everyone, in case anyone’s wondering what 21-yo me would say to 25-yo me.

[12/3/2015] It will be just fine.

Hi Syaza,

Since you’re reading this, I’m assuming

  1. You’re still alive and well, good.
  2. You still cherish this email address, also good.
  3. You’re probably wondering what 21-year-old you could possibly write to yourself.

I don’t know how life is right now, where you are at the moment or how you’ve been doing for the past five years, but all I can say is that, you are on the right track. And no matter what happens or how you feel about life now or how hard things may be for you, just remember that it will be just fine.

It’s 12/3/2015 [mm/dd/yyyy ’cause you’re in the States now], and in case you forgot how things were back in 2015, let me remind you of some important things.

  1. You’re in your junior year in UW-Madison, and you hated Actuarial Science, and you have no idea why you’re pursuing this in the first place.
  2. You’re somehow pissed off at Aiman for not wanting to get married early. But deep down in your heart, you know that you two are not ready for that level of relationship yet.
  3. You’re considering applying to graduate schools after you graduate in 2017 and are planning to pursue Education as a career.
  4. You miss reading your books and you miss writing in your blog (oh, and by the way, is Silent Confessions still alive?)
  5. You’ve recently launched the #Radiance21 scholarship where you have RM15,600 to give out to up to three deserving students (thank you again Mum & Dad for their generous contributions!)
  6. Donald Trump’s being a stupid asshole and Britain just voted for the jet strikes in Syria (like literally just voted a few hours ago).

Recently, you’ve been feeling like a lost cause. Nothing seems right in your life, and you actually cried like a stupid kid when you visited the career counselor at the Career Exploration Center few weeks ago. You’re at the crossroad and you don’t know what to do with your life. You’re planning to apply for the Teach for Malaysia fellowship program, but you also want to pursue a graduate study in Education. You want to do something good and meaningful with your life, but you’re trying so hard to please your parents and everyone else that you just don’t feel good about yourself anymore.

But, hey, you’ve survived. You’re here now, and despite all the hopelessness that you felt in the past, you’ve made it through. Granted, things may not have gone the way you wanted to do. You may not have pursued Education, you may not have been a TFM Fellow (though I really hoped you did, and if you really didn’t, remember, the maximum age is 35 years old!), you may have stopped writing or reading and you may have gone on a completely different path than what you originally set out for. But, just remember, that’s how life works.

You can plan all you want, but at the end of the day, God has the final say. And trust me when I tell you this: Whatever road you’re on, it’s the best one for you.

So no matter how fucked up you are now, how much you hate your job or your colleagues, how messed up your relationship is, how lonely and scared you feel, how much of a failure you think you are, always remember to keep your head up and smile.

‘Cause you know what people always say: “Kau Syaza Nazura kot.”

You’ll get through life. You’re stronger than this. Show them who’s the most awesome person on Earth. Show them who Syaza Nazura is.

Oh, and Happy New Year! May 2020 brings you lots of happy and awesome memories.

Wow, that was a pretty deep FutureMe email.

Oh, wow. Lol. 21-yo me definitely had a lot of things that were troubling her. But, surprisingly (and thankfully) enough, things actually turned out pretty good for me since I wrote the email. I graduated from my undergraduate degree, got engaged, started my first job, got married, quit my job to pursue my postgraduate studies, and actually graduated from my MA with a distinction

Sure, it has deviated a little bit from what I might have set out to do (sorry Teach for Malaysia :(), and I did not pursue a postgraduate degree in Student Affairs/Higher Education, but at least I’m going in the right direction for now. And, what’s more, I have a fun job waiting for me in Malaysia for when I get back in a week or two. I’ll be starting my new job in February, and I honestly can’t wait! 

Funnily enough, for all the worrying and crying I did back in 2015, most of my worries resolved themselves within due course. It’s interesting to see how the things I worried about (my relationship with Aiman, my vague career path, my indecisiveness about my graduate studies) are all done and over with within the span of 4 years. God is indeed the best Planner out there, Alhamdulillah.

So, as a reminder, to myself and to you as well: Don’t worry too much about the little things. Life will find a way to work out in our favor. Trust in God, and trust that He would not place us in a situation that we cannot handle. Enjoy what life has to offer, worry less about things outside your control, and focus on the present that is happening. 

That’s all for now. Until next time, stay awesome and take care!

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