Getting rid of those “Oh sh*t, I can’t do this” thoughts.

Assalamualaikum,

Apologies for not updating the blog last week. I’ve been meaning to write, but after my trip down to Nottingham (me being a good sister and going to check up on my younger brother because our mum was worried), I fell sick with the cold and/or slight fever, so I’ve been spending most of my free time resting and sleeping.

I wrote in a previous blog post about how I’ve been having some inferiority complex here and there. Actually, I guess if you’ve been reading this blog long enough since, what, a few years ago, you’d realize that I’ve probably felt that way all throughout my 4 years of university life (like who doesn’t?). It comes and go, of course, but whenever it comes, it feels like the whole world is crashing down and I feel like a complete and ultimate loser in life. The fact that I’m staying in a studio alone does not help as well – since this means that whenever I feel like shit, I usually feel that way for a loooooong time. 

Anyhow, this post is not for me to write about how insecure I feel about any aspects of my life (career-wise, academic-wise, social life-wise, etc). But I guess I just wanted to jot down some things that have helped me whenever I have inferiority complex, or whenever I feel like shit, so that in the future, if I get stuck deep in a hole, I can get myself out again.

Have a good support system.

I am thankful and lucky that I have good friends around me who knows exactly what to do whenever I feel down. One would just casually text “Are you OK?” and allow me to rant endlessly (for the thousandth times, mind you) about the same old shit in life, and listen without judgement. One would be all perky and cheery and go “But you’re Syaza Nazura, you can do this!” (which can be both good and bad, depending on who says it to me). 

Having a good support system and surrounding yourself with positivity helps to keep you sane and motivated. At least, it works for me. My friends have helped me through a lot of tough times in my life – from the time I was confused and lost about my choice to study Actuarial Science, up to now when I’m going through my Master’s studies when I’m thinking about whether or not I made the right decision to pursue my Master’s studies.

They’ve constantly reminded me of my life goals, why I choose to be here, and the things that I want to achieve in my life – which leads me to the next point…

Remember why you’re there.

A couple of weeks ago, I posted on Instagram about how I felt like I don’t deserve to be where I am now. A senior who I was close to while in high school saw my Insta-story, and sent me this message.

This reminded me to take some time to reflect on my life, to think about the choices I’ve made in life, and the reasons behind those choices. I came here for a reason – and that is to learn as much as I could. And I shouldn’t have to apologize for being the weakest or the least knowledgeable in the class. This just means that I’d have a lot to learn, and that I can grow more and better. Like another friend said, “If you start at the bottom, then you’ll be able to gain the most out of the experience”. (Thanks Lisa!)

I think it’s important to constantly remind ourselves of our reason(s), our purpose(s) in life. Not only will this help keep us motivated in our life, but also acts as a reminder for us to focus on the bigger picture, on the end goal and journey instead of the tiny little obstacles on the way. We stop worrying about the small problems that come up, but instead we’re looking at the whole journey, of improving and achieving our goals. 

Sometimes, you just need to hear it from someone else.

It’s funny how when people come up to me (on social media, usually) for advice, I’ve always known what to say to them to ease their minds. I can usually give pep-talk to people, to help them figure out their problems, to make them feel better about themselves. And, frankly speaking, I think I’m pretty good at that (self-proclaimed, I know, let me be).

But somehow, I can’t pep-talk myself. For the sake of my sanity, I cannot talk myself into believing that “Yes, you can do this. Yes, you deserve to be here, you belong here.” Somehow, pep-talking myself leads to me questioning my credibility. It makes me think, “Shit, did I fake my way into this thing?“. After all, we are our worst critics, right? We can compliment other people and help boost them up, but when it comes to ourselves, we push ourselves too hard, hold ourselves to exceedingly high standards that sometimes we cannot achieve, and beat ourselves up way too much over little (insignificant) failures. 

So it’s funny (but also touching) that, when I needed help the most, my own advice came back to my face, given to me by the very same people I’ve pep-talked in the past.

It then becomes more meaningful for these advice to come back to me, especially from them, because it reminded me of the reason why I’m here in the first place, and what I wanted to achieve in my life. It’s a good feeling knowing that the things I’ve told people have actually helped them in their life, and it’s amazing when they come back and let you know about it.

Remember that life works in mysterious ways.

Things don’t always go the way we plan. At least, it didn’t for me.

Never have I imagined myself to be where I am now. Looking back to the picture below, my plans in 2012 (6 years ago) was definitely way different than how my life actually turns out to be.

But, here I am.

Other than actually graduating with a degree in Actuarial Science, my life has been completely different from what I planned out. Never did I plan on doing a Master’s in Education. Never would I have thought (or planned) that I’d be jumping fields after graduating. 

Life happens. And that’s okay. We don’t need to have our whole lives planned out until the moment we die, because, let’s face it, what fun would that be? You don’t know when you’d die anyway, so why worry so much about it? 

You’re in control – take it easy.

Take life one day at a time, slowly and at your own pace. Stop worrying about things that are outside your control, and focus on the things that you can change and improve on.

And, most importantly, stop comparing your life to other people’s. This is perhaps the most important thing to remember, but people tend to forget and do it anyway (me included).

Everyone has their own pace in life, their own speed. Everyone has a different path in life, and no two paths are the same. Someone may have figured out their life goals and passion when they’re 15 years old – great for them. Someone may take up to 50 years old to find out what they want in life – that’s good for them too! 

There is never a correct way to live your life. There is no manual to the ‘perfect’ life, so, make the most out of the life that you have now. Explore, learn and connect. Enjoy the small little things in life, and see as many places and people that you can (and want, that’s important too!). Do what makes you happy, and cut off people who spreads toxicity and negativity in your life.

Go kick inferiority complex in the ass, and go be the best You that you can.

You can do it. We can all do it (make mental note to myself too as I write this).

Until next time, stay awesome everyone 🙂